No one plans to break up, but get the petnup
No one plans to break up, but get the petnup
Why a petnup is as necessary as a prenup — even for cohabitators
No one goes into a relationship planning for the breakup (unless you’re unsure about this person in the first place and just settling). It’s one of the reasons that prenuptial agreements (aka prenups) can become such a controversial topic. For some people, the idea of creating a prenup is like saying the marriage won’t last. If you two make it too easy to walk away, you’ve ignored the “til death do us part” in the vows.
For others — especially millennials — having a prenuptial agreement is no different than auto insurance. Even if you don’t plan on someone ramming into your car, the goal here is to be able to pop those dents out and keep it moving. And your car doesn’t feel some kind of way about it either way it goes.
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But what happens with cohabitators who decide to get a pet? If one-half of the couple walks into the relationship with a pet already, it’s almost a given that that person will leave the relationship with the same dog, cat, rabbit, bird, etc. However, pet lovers can find it almost as tough to separate themselves from their four-legged (or beaked) friend as they do the one standing on two legs.
For unmarried couples, a cohabitation agreement is a practical alternative. A cohabitation agreement is a way for an unmarried couple to safeguard their individual interests and assets while they live together. Like a prenuptial agreement, the two have agreed on the exact items that they came in and will leave with.
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But tangible objects have no feelings. They’re not meeting you at the door. They don’t bark, meow, hop, tweet, slither and stare at you. They don’t need to be fed, petted or walked. They don’t cuddle up on the couch or bed with you, and they don’t become instant bodyguards who are about that life. Telling a significant other after a breakup that the dog is yours after (s)he’s already created a bond with that animal can become a full-fledged battle. In 2020 alone, according to one survey, 76% of millennials are pet parents; over half are dog owners and 35% have cats.
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And even in multi-pet homes, splitting them won’t work either. As much as parents like to believe they don’t have a favorite, they do. Quiet as it’s kept, the pets aren’t always so subtle about who they want to be around the most either. Imagine being the pet parent who the pet wants to be around the least. Now imagine more than one pet favors one-half of the couple. Awkward.
So how do you broach the topic of a petnuptial? There’s no magical time nor date to bring it up. But one thing is for sure. Don’t wait until you’re in the middle of a heated discussion to shout, “And the dog comes with me!” Even if your significant other would’ve normally thought that idea made sense, (s)he may put up a fight out of spite.
If both of you decided to share a pet at the same time, a logical time to bring it up is when you’re preparing emergency guardians for your pet or at the very beginning stages of pet fostering or adoption. In a six-digit COVID-19 death world (and that’s just the United States alone) and more than 33 million of infections in a year’s time, no one could act like they were immortal. The “where does the pet go” question should’ve been a priority, along with everything else.
A smoother way to bring up a petnuptial, without hinting at separation, is to just pick a primary contact on paperwork. That delicately identifies who is most likely to be more responsible for the pet under everyday circumstances.
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However, breakups are messy, and people tend to be more emotional than rational if the separation wasn’t amicable. If it does get ugly, you may want to consider an attorney. Depending on state laws about pets, expect your pet to be discussed like a piece of property. Who pays the veterinary bills? Who buys the food? Who has the finances to support this pet, especially one with particular dietary and exercise restrictions? Who is usually the caregiver (including family members) when one or both of you are out of town?
Most importantly, whose home fits the dog’s lifestyle better? (For example, if one pet owner has a house with a backyard and the other one is in a studio apartment, that Labrador Retriever is probably going to wear out his welcome in the latter location.)
Whether you choose traditional legal tactics to decide the pet’s future or work it out one-on-one, just remember that the bigger priority is making sure that that pet has a happy, healthy, loving and sufficient place to live.
Shamontiel is a dog lover to her core: 488 completed walks with 83 dogs, eight dog-housesittings and six dog boardings at the time of this publication.
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