I know you like dogs, but calm down
Why does my dog have better manners than you?
Writer’s update on April 24, 2025: I thought I had encountered every possible cringeworthy moment with my (now 4-year-old) dog — until yesterday. I’ve added a seventh example (eight if you count the reference librarian, who is no longer working at that library) that left me perplexed and then annoyed.
ORIGINAL PUBLICATION DATE: June 29, 2021
I knew if I walked fast enough, I’d make it before the library closed. Never mind that I’m too busy to read anybody’s book these days. I still wanted to make sure my library card didn’t expire the next day. Of course, my new dog wanted to smell every possible thing she saw and check out all the dogs in the neighborhood while I was trying to make the 20-minute walk to the library and realizing I was cutting into 30 with her sniffing everything. I smiled when I made it to the door and looked around for signs about an emotional support animal. (She’s not, but I figured I could possibly get away with her standing at the front for two minutes.)
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By minute two, one of the reference librarians walked over to the front desk while my back was turned and the leash firmly in my hand to make sure my dog didn’t get too far. The janitor cut his eyes at my dog. I gave the brotha an apologetic nod to confirm she’d have no accidents on his freshly swept floor. I expected the reference librarian to keep walking as I continued to give out my updated contact info to the front desk librarian. But what I didn’t expect was for this grown woman to squat down between my legs to pet my dog. I twisted that leash around, and I blocked her body with my other leg and arm. Dog lovers, I am one of you — but you all need to cut the weird shit out. When did it become OK to crawl between a woman’s legs who you don’t know — and at your job?
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I’ve only had this dog for 10 days, and I’m confused. Possibly because no one would just run up on my German Shepherd of nine years. (They usually crossed the street to get away from her massive build.) People didn’t walk up on my Labrador Retriever either, mainly because he was a wild dog who would’ve knocked them down Marmaduke style.
But the weirdo comes out around smaller dogs. And somehow I managed to escape most of it as a dog walker. When you’re only with a dog for 30 minutes or a few days (dog boarding), you don’t see just how much people lose their entire minds around small dogs — especially if they’re cute small dogs. I’m not going to lie. I picked a noticeably adorable dog. But why do cute dogs make people lose all their couth?
Here are six additional moments in 10 days when I thought, “Why does my puppy have better manners than you?”
Example 1: The guy who lifted his head from under the hood of a car and yelled, “LEMME HAVE YOUR DOG!”